Calm the Chaos Newsletter
In store for you today:
- THAT’S IT! The Moment of Truth
- NEW Parent Training Teleclass
- Self Care: Retreats are for you
Challenging behavior getting you down?
I have two openings available now. Check out
the Calm the Chaos Parent Coaching Program
THAT’S IT! The Moment of Truth
When your car starts smoking and making that bad clunking noise or your water heater explodes leaving water all over the floor, you probably don’t have any problem with calling a friend for advice or calling in the appropriate professional to help you solve the problem. No one usually feels shame if they can’t do their own plumbing without help or fix their own car.
Yet, when an emotional crisis hits in a family or, even worse, an ongoing never ending list of challenges leaves us feeling exhausted, many feel too ashamed to ask for help. They feel embarrassed when the problem becomes apparent to friends or family or even that lady in the grocery store. Somehow they feel that they should be able to handle it themselves, without any help from anyone. They feel embarrassed that they don’t “have it all together like everybody else.”
When my son was 4 years old I was deeply in denial about our problems. He was getting more and more aggressive and his preschool teacher, a lovely woman who had worked with all my children for 6 years, finally threw up her hands and gave up. She said, “I just don’t know what else to try. I’m very worried about him.”
It was one of those, “That’s it!” moments for me.
I knew that I had to swallow my embarrassment and get help for my family now. My shame had me in denial and I couldn’t afford to stay in that place anymore. So I went to see a professional and I learned a lot about what is often called, “Behavior Modification.” This was just the first step in a long journey, but it was important for me to stop feeling ashamed of being a “bad mother” and instead concentrate on learning new skills to parent a child who needed something different than I was able to provide up until then.
If there is one message that I hope my experience relates, it is “Don’t wait!” The sooner you get the help that you need the sooner things will begin to be better for your children as well as yourself.
Are you having a “That’s it!” moment?
Below are some signs and symptoms that it may be time to make a change. How many of these are true for your family? More than three “yes” answers may indicate that you have reached a “That’s it!” moment too.
1. You find yourself avoiding certain social situations with your child because you are worried about your child’s behavior.
2. You have friends or family members constantly giving you unsolicited advice about your child.
3. You are getting calls from school or day care about your child’s problem behavior.
4. You find yourself losing your cool more than once a week.
5. You feel embarrassed by your child’s behavior in public.
6. You feel hopeless about being able to make any changes because nothing seems to be working so far.
7. Your child seems to be either angry or sad much of the time each day.
8. You find yourself arguing with your partner about the best way to handle parenting your child.
9. You often find comfort in food or other unhealthy habits to relieve stress.
10. You are worried that your relationship with your child is beginning to suffer.
NEW Parent Training Teleclass
When you are feeling like you are already doing everything
you know how to do, but the fighting, yelling and trouble
continues, maybe it’s time to let go of that embarrassment
and say, "That’s it!" Maybe it’s time to empower yourself to
finally make the shift that changes that negative spiral
into a warm, peaceful home again. Maybe you are ready to get
Now is the right time to start feeling more peaceful again.
Calm the Chaos
Parent Training Teleclass
Five weekly sessions for one hour, with online parent
support group, helpful worksheets, email and telephone
support from the instructor (that’s me, Karen) and
recordings of the classes so you never miss a thing! No
need to get a babysitter or worry about gas money. All you
need is a phone with long distance.
Save $ by signing up before October 26th. Check out all
the details here:
Self Care: Retreats are for you
Last week I went on my first ever retreat. The concept of
Retreat is something that I had heard of before, but never
seriously considered for myself. By encapsulating it in
something that would benefit my work, I was able to give
myself the gift. (Oh my husband and kids approved also,
Here is a bit of what I discovered.
I discovered that deepening my spiritual connection was a
huge benefit of being on retreat. I did spiritual practice
several times each day and found this to be very nourishing
and fulfilling. When I returned home, I decided that this is
something I wanted to continue to do - no need to wait to be
on retreat again.
I connected with a group of like-minded people who shared my
retreat journey. This supportive group was a source of
inspiration, non-judgmental support, and at times hilarity.
This is the most self-care I have ever given myself in one
week. I came home feeling vibrant, full of energy and ready
to face the world. Wow!
Of course, the dog rolled in something smelly and my
daughter got the flu and there was a ton of work piled up,
but having this retreat experience helped me to feel so
nourished that I was able to handle everything without
feeling as stressed as I would have been before.
This was a business retreat, but there are many
opportunities in most metropolitan areas for personal
retreats, which can be more the pampering type with
massages, facials, and wraps or the more spiritual types
with quiet reflection, organic, vegan food, and hot springs
Retreats are lovely, and I highly recommend giving it a try.
Maybe you can get grandma to take the kids for a couple
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Calm the Chaos Newsletter
This Newsletter is copyright (c)2007 Karen DeBolt, all rights reserved. You may freely reprint in any newsletter, website, or print journal. Please send me a copy and include the following attribution:
"Calm the Chaos Newsletter article (c)2007 Karen DeBolt, MA.
All Rights Reserved. Reprinted with permission. Helping families
Struggling with Chaos at home to have happy, successful children. Sign up for the newsletter at http://www.counselingformoms.com and receive a copy of the free report, ‘Conquering Bad Behavior Without Stress.’"
I send out an extra email now and then detailing programs and offers.
Karen DeBolt, MA. Parent Coach and Family Therapist
Struggling with Chaos at home and want happy successful children? Download our free report, “How to conquer bad behavior without stress.”