True story

We are standing in line at the grocery store. There is a fairly large, attractive black woman standing in front of us in the line. My beloved boy takes one look and says, “Oh. My. God. Look at how HUGE that woman’s. . .” I put my hand firmly on his mouth at that point! Oy! I was so embarrassed! I must have turned six shades of purple. I explained to him for the 876,000th time that we don’t talk about other people’s body parts. I have a dream that some day he will actually understand, but that is still a work in progress.

I think most every parent at one time or another has been embarrassed by something your child did in public. If your child struggles more than others with a deficit in social skills like mine, then this may be an everyday experience. I think it can be easy to get used to our children’s quirks at home, but out in the world that brutal honesty might get him a dirty look or worse a punch in the nose, that constant chatter about her special interest might get her shunned by peers, and that bossy attitude might land him in the Principal’s office—again.

Why does he do this stuff anyway?

Sure a diagnosis of ADHD, high functioning autism, Asperger’s Syndrome, etc. explains that there is a social skills deficit, but is it possible to teach something that most people learn intuitively?

The answer is yes!

Social skills can be taught just like any other set of skills since they don’t come naturally, each skill must be specifically taught, and not only how to do a skill, but when and why need to taught as well. Here are three keys to beginning to help your child improve his or her social skills.

Three Keys to Better Social Skills

1. Self Awareness – Helping your child to become more aware of how he or she looks to other people. You can do this by becoming a mirror for your child. You can do this as a game or by using a video camera to build awareness of how he is perceived

2. Other Awareness – stop the action on his or her favorite video and ask how a particular character might be feeling inside right now or what reasons they might have for how they are acting right now.

3. Situational Awareness – When you notice a particular social challenge arising within your family, stop the action and start a discussion about what is happening at that moment. For example, if your child is going on and on about his special interest, but the other family members are no longer listening. Stop the action and ask your child to notice the people around him right now. How are they holding their bodies, what expression is on their face, etc.

By building awareness, your child will begin the process of noticing and thinking about how he or she feels as well as other people.

I would love to hear what challenges and successes you have.