Finding the best ways to express your love

By Karen DeBolt | 11th Feb 2009 | Filed under Parenting, Relationships, Self Care, Techniques

It has been a while since I wrote a blog entry. I hope you
have been well, dear readers, and I thank you for your
patience. Seems like the big life transitions got in the
way of my best laid plans. I’m just beginning to peek my
head out again with a purpose and a vision to begin to build
on my work again.

I will be writing this blog again on a regular basis
and I plan to add in some topics regarding relationships
that have not been my focus up until now. I realized that
the relationship (or lack of one!) between the adults in a
home can have as much impact on children as the relationship
between adults and children. So, there will be more
articles about maintaining and creating good relationships
coming up in addition to more about parenting.

So stay tuned!

Finding the best ways to express your love

Most of us are struggling financially these days, between
the high prices at the grocery store and the huge
fluctuations in gas prices, it can be pretty tough to make
ends meet. Still, we don’t want to short change our
holidays, especially a fun one like Valentines Day.

So I have come up with an idea that you might enjoy if
buying a box of chocolates or a dozen roses is not in the
budget this year. Actually, my guess is that many of these
ideas might actually be enjoyed more than those traditional
gifts. So whether you are thinking about a little sweetheart
or a big one, these ideas will help you pick just the right
way to show how much you care.

Find your sweetie’s love language

The first step to make sure that your gift is well received
is to figure out what love languages your sweetie prefers.
If you haven’t done this already based on a past newsletter
(hyperlink) then now is the time. This is based on the book
by Gary Chapman called The Five Love Languages: How to
Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate. The author
describes five love languages:Heart Candy

* Touch
* Quality time together
* Words of Affection
* Acts of Service
* Gifts

All of these languages are lovely of course, but one or two
will be a person’s preferred love language and by using that
preference you will be able to choose the perfect gift for
the one that you love. Often, we will give others the love
language that we prefer. So noticing what your sweetie does
for you will also give you a good clue. Does he set up the
stereo system for you, pick daisies out of the yard, or give
you a nice shoulder rub? That might be a clue that he likes
Acts of service, gifts, or touch as his love languages.

So go find out which are your sweeties top two love
languages, then refer to this list for ideas for each type:


Coupons for foot, shoulder, or full body massages (by you of
An expensive stuffed animal with extra soft fur
How about a book or DVD on massage for couples with lots of
exercises to try together?

Quality Time Together

For little sweeties plan some one on one time doing an
activity of their choice. Write the plan in a card and you
are good to go.

For big sweeties, arrange for grandma to take the kids for
the afternoon or even the weekend if that is possible, and
then plan to just hang out together doing things that you
and your sweetie enjoy doing together. Really focus all your
attention on your sweetie. Write out your planned
arrangements in a card you make or buy, then enjoy!

Words of Affection

Words can be delivered in a number of ways so get creative
and use several methods
Write a poem or a letter detailing your love
Record yourself expressing your love and deliver it as an
MP3 file or on a tape or CD
Film yourself on video expressing your love
If all of that is too nerve wracking, then find a card that
aptly expresses your feelings and underline and add notes to

Note: None of this needs to be long or flowery unless that
is your style. Just be your genuine self and speak from
your heart.

Acts Of Service

Do something to make your sweetie’s life a little bit
easier. It could be making a favorite meal or treat, taking
over a hated chore for a specific period of time, or giving
them a coupon for one act of service “to be named by the


Think back to times when you have given a gift that was a
big hit. Now, don’t go and do exactly the same thing–yep,
boring. Think about what made that gift the hit that it
was. Was it something your sweetie admired in a store and
you remembered and went to pick it up later? Was it
something that you noticed your sweetie needs? Maybe it’s
something that will help your sweetie remember how much you
really care. Remember, it doesn’t have to be big and
extravagant to be appreciated. It does need to show that you
spent some time thinking and appreciating before you plunked
down that dough.

My friend’s husband once bought his wife a vacuum cleaner
for a gift. Many of you are out there groaning and believe
me I would be also, but this was the perfect gift for my
friend. She had admired it several times and expressed that
she would like to buy it “someday.” She also got the added
bonus of being able to tell everyone that her Valentines
Gift really sucked! Believe me that man was a hero that day.

Okay, now forward this off to your sweetie so that you can
get what you really want too!

 If you have any other great ideas for a love language based gift please post a comment, I’d love to hear what else you come up with!

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